Monday, November 19, 2012

Day 3


I DECLARE I have the grace I need for today. I am full of power, strength, and determination. Nothing I face will be too much for me. I will overcome every obstacle, outlast every challenge, and come through every difficulty better off than I was before. This is my declaration.

I DECLARE I have the grace I need for today. I am full of power, strength, and determination. Nothing I face is too much for me. I overcome every obstacle, outlast every challenge, and come through every difficulty better off than I was before. This is my declaration.

Already, I feel God's grace as this was exactly what I needed to declare today. Starting this 31 day project is exactly what I needed at this time. 

I don't know exactly how to organize my thoughts right now. There is so much to share. 

This time, it's not just the highlights. People used to say to me that I always posted such positive things on facebook, which is not a bad thing; however, when I read this quote, "The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compre our behind-the-scenes with everyone else's highlight reel." by Steve Furtick, I stopped posting, almost altogether. There is a part of me that only wants to post positive things, because I want to contribute light and love, not negativity, but this made me realize that if I only shared those things, I probably wasn't being "viewed" in my wholeness.

Sometimes I don't feel very positive. Sometimes I feel bad. Sometimes I can be really mean. Being separated from my boyfriend, I know is a good thing, but it's not always easy. I miss him. Sometimes I fear he won't return to me.

I am whole, because in the process of feeling better, I allow myself to feel everything. I cry a lot these days; this started before the separation. It's interesting, because for a long time, I hardly ever cried at all. All those tears I swallowed in the past are coming out, I guess. It used to embarrass me, and I was told not to cry, so when that feeling of sadness preceding tears would come up, I would shut it off and shove it down. I had to learn how to let it run it's course without wallowing in it.

This shift happened for me after my boyfriend and I were already together for a couple of years. My lovely boyfriend gave me the space to do this. I know it was not easy for him, but he saw how I was better for it.

I was in yoga class yesterday, and in the warm-ups, I started crying. I paid attention to when I was ready and able to resume, because emotion is energy in motion, thank goodness! This too shall pass. I know that after the crying, I will feel better, that the pain and sadness will subside, and that I am making space for - what? Well, I DECLARE I fill my space with love, joy, abundance, and creative fulfillment. 

I am grateful for God's grace.

2 comments:

  1. Wow although this was wrote a couple of years ago, it is still very encouraging and through your pain, and self reflection have helped others without even knowing it.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you, Chrissy. Love and light.

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